Blog Orphaned and loved

I was sitting at dinner and asking my husband what I ought to blog tonight.  I ought to know that something would come as soon as I sat down here at the computer.  Finally, I am accepting the fact that I have many words to express.  I used to think of myself as not having much to say.  It seems the more I say the more is coming.  I am absorbed in, THE SHOEMAKER'S WIFE, by Adriana Trigiani, a 470 page read for my Curves February Book Club.  My laziness kept me from noting on a paper two expressions that she wrote but later when I read,"orphans have many parents,"  it resonated with me enough to get off the couch and write it down to share with my book group.

My mother died when I was 14, a time when I felt orphaned missing my mom.  I felt abandoned.  I went about my life fully as if nothing had happened. I acknowledged her death mentally but there was very little conversation and certainly no feelings.  It took 20 years before my pain surfaced and was processed with the help of a therapist and my loving husband.  It was like I had taken those feelings and put them in a very thick, steel vault, thrown away the key and no one could touch me.

50 years later, one day a friend mentioned what a groupee I was!  I had not thought of myself that way.  It caused me to stop and ponder all the groups that I belonged to, which then led to my discovery of all the women in my life who have nurtured me.  I do belong to many women's groups and today I can see the blessings, nurturing and love that so many have given me.  Have I  subconsciously been seeking the "mother" I didn't have?  It doesn't matter.  I am loved!   mjk